Where the story begins...

This is where the story begins... what in the world made me want to travel half way across the world, miss 11 - 12 days of work and speak to children about God? To be honest with you... it just felt like the next step I was supposed to take. In fact it felt quite natural!
For those of you who don't know me... well, lets see you are probably not reading this if you don't know me... so for those of you who know me - first let me say thank you for being in my life - and here is my attempt to give you the gift of my story.
So I come from a Christian family, with a Catholic background. I went to mass every Sunday morning with my family when I was younger and was pretty much bribed to sit still in the pew with candy, late bedtime, or even a Slurpie from the 7-11. I never thought these Sunday traditions would come to an end... however, in my 6th grade year my family fell apart. To be honest with you I thought it was kind of cool at first... no more fighting, 2 different houses with 2 different bedrooms, 2 groups of neighborhood friends, 2 Christmases, and 2 family vacations. I could get away with things with my dad that my mom would kill me for and things with my mom that my dad would be so disappointed in. After the 1st couple months I began to blame myself for this disaster in which I thought I wished upon my family... therefore I had caused it. We didn't go to church anymore, which again at the time, thought was the best deal I could come across as a 12 year old, but then started to beg God for forgiveness for wishing or enjoying any part of this Hell. Some nights I laid awake listening to my mom cry or my dad moving around till all hours of the morning, obviously not able to sleep, thinking I really was in Hell. This is when I knew God was NOT listening and NOT going to forgive me for what i had done.... so I looked elsewhere. I played on the best soccer team, made the best grades, took care of my little sister and brother the best I could to make my parents happy. I just knew making them happy would make things better... even if they wouldn't get back together at least we could all be happy. I kept this up for a few years and realized... although they were my parents and they both loved me so much I never felt like I was good enough and they were not paying attention that much or would forgive me for what I did to my family.
So this take me to high school. I was angry with God and angry with my parents. I resented anything and EVERYTHING that symbolized either things. I was going to make it on my own!!! And I knew exactly what would make things better... BOYS! Oh goodness... we all know this is that LAST thing to making things better - right? So my Sophomore year in high school I met a boy at a football game. I never really had an interest in boys up till this point so these butterflies in my stomach threw me for a loop... and a LOOP it was. For the next 3 years I spent most of high school chasing a boy who would do nothing but stomp on my little heart and leave my first impression of what "love" as someone who is jealous, dishonest, manipulative, and selfish. Now this may seem a little harsh and it should be understood that we were both young and silly... but it was very damaging for me as a teenager because when I would hear people talk about the love God and your family has for you I was very confused and wanted nothing to do with that. Towards the end of high school I got involved in Young Life... it was a Christian club that some of my friends went to once a week after school. I thought it was a pretty cool place... and a great time to get out of the house to socialize with friends. We sang songs about Jesus and listened to people's stories and testimonies about Jesus... it was nice - one of the leaders was a woman, who still today I model myself after, but other than that I couldn't let IT in. Young Life was about a social thing for me until the last few months I spent a couple weeks at a couple different camps. I think I first felt Jesus here... but it didn't last. I would come home to hurtful things and I couldn't find Him... why did he leave me when I needed him? So as college approached I decided to TRULY take life into my own hands!!! I didn't need Him... or anyone for that matter.
I can remember like it was yesterday sitting in my dorm room decorated like Elle Woods from Legally Blonde would have decorated her room, watching my mom drive away. I cried so hard. I was at this college all by myself... ALL BY MYSELF! Its what I thought I wanted for so long... and now here it was. What in the world was I going to do?
The college story goes as this - I met some amazing people in my 4... or maybe 5 years or so of college. People who came into my life and have left lasting impressions - they are people who I have spent years with and people who i knew only a short time. They are people that became my family and taught me how to start piecing the pieces back together. My mom and I became closer and all though my family was still broken and i watched my little sister and brother go through all this crap they had to deal with, most of which was probably the aftermath of our brokenness - i missed my family. I was longing for something... i just didn't know what. I went through college controlling my fate... i had it all planned out... well so i thought.
2 years ago i moved to Atlanta and started my career in sales. Listen... I was in control!!! The next step was to make some money. I was pretty happy - I had met some new people already, connected with old friends from childhood, and was in the BIG city. Yet... something was still missing. Maybe it was family... yeah thats what it was? Wasnt it? My family visits became less and less chaotic... I would not go a day without speaking with mom, we became best friends. My little sister was growing up (well we both were) but she finally enjoyed talking to me and I enjoyed talking to her... and we could do so without arguing. My little brother looked up to me and I lived for that feeling. We were back to the "normal" family and YET SOMETHING WAS STILL MISSING. Was I missing the "boy" factor again? Well no... speaking of that, I had met a certain young man with dreams bigger than mine and the most beautiful blue eyes. I thought at first it would be a close friendship... but it developed into something so much deeper. Maybe this was it? Gosh! I had it all... nope... something WAS STILL MISSING. Girlfriends... maybe I needed more girlfriends - that, well that doesn't come as easy as family and boys for me for some reason :-) Although I only had enough true girlfriends to count on my right hand... they were the best kind of friends a girl could have. I have a joker, a healer, a fighter, a listener, and a good timer! :-) Thats what I call them!!! So... what was missing?
And then it hit me... a friend of mine told me about this "video" church. "Video church i questioned him in my head? Now why in the world would I go to a "video" church." So i let the thought creep in and then quickly out of my head... until one Sunday morning i woke up, showered, got dressed, looked in the mirror and literally (now some of you will believe me and some of will not) said, "I'm going back to church today!" Then, maybe this will make it a little more believable for you, I did a little dance around my room! :-)
So I went to this video church... the music brought tears to my eyes as we sang the words to a song - "Broken people call his name..." I will never forget the feeling. I was on to something with this video church thing. And just to get some of you up to date that aren't here in the Atlanta area. The church I went to that day... and go to today is called Buckhead Church - it is part of a bigger picture called NorthPoint ministries. North Point Church is in Alpharetta, GA and Andy Stanley (who i am convinced should be our next President) preaches. Well I don't know if you would call it preach... he teaches, he describes... he inspires. This was probably about a year and a half ago. And that brings the story to today:
I DID IT! I FINALLY FOUND WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR... I cannot begin to describe to you about the peace I have in my life. The world is crazy around me with work, the recession, the war, the chaos... and there is something I have found that makes it not matter that much. What is it you asked? It is God... it is Jesus... it is the Spirit!!!! I don't think i ever did NOT believe... well, yeah, there were times i very much doubted. But in this past year I have become a TRUE and FAITHFUL believer! Goodness... I never thought I would write things like this. It always seemed so "dorky!" Now don't get me wrong... with the help of my Church, my mom, my sister, my friends, my boyfriend and his family, and the Bible I am still learning what this Religion and this relationship is all about... but i have come a long way in just a year. I read the Bible and I pray... I PRAY! I never knew how to do this!!! I have given up CONTROL - again, some of you reading this may not believe it! :-) But I have... or I am trying to as much as possible! Its an amazing thing when you can truly do that, you know? Miracles happen!!!! :-)
So as you see... all my life i have been taking, taking, taking from Jesus. Even when I doubted him i was still taking... even today as i have formed a relationship with him and let him into my heart and soul... i am still taking. SOOO... it is my turn to GIVE! And this is why I am going to Cambodia!!!! This was the trip I was pointed towards by Jesus... and after yesterday afternoon when I met my team for the first time, it is the trip that He wanted me on. We are going to work in an Orphanage and bring Christmas to these orphans and the community they live in!!! How EXCITING!?!?! I will be able to share the LOVE of Jesus with them. I will help them see the BIG picture and bring hope to them! Maybe, just maybe, they will be better off because they will see the love of God withing me... or maybe i will see it in them? I will share this experience with 9 other amazing people, that although they don't share my story, they have stories for themselves and we have all been brought together for a reason! WOW!! AMEN!!!!
Until next time I will be praying for you...